September 2, 2007

and yet...

I am the most selfish person I know. I thought I’ve changed…grew up but no…things that happened lately had made me realize that I’m still the same immature person that I once was. I still can’t get enough of people’s time, affection. I am still insatiable. I still want to be the center of the universe of the people around me. I am still pride personified. I am egocentric. I am insecure. And I keep on hurting people to spare myself of pain. I keep on letting people go…pushing them away because I badly needed them to stay. I am damaged and I love to wallow in my misery. The scars have healed but sadly the lessons were not yet learned. I want to be happy but I’m happy being unhappy. I hate to be the victim yet I keep myself shackled in my own chains. I’m too scared to be brave. I don’t have enough strength to be strong. I have mastered the art of breaking my heart and convincing myself that the broken pieces were unnecessary. That I don’t need to be whole to be alive but then now I feel so dead. And I’m weary of hiding behind the excuses I made for myself. And I know only I can save myself from whatever hell it is I designed for myself and yet . . .

5 retrospection:

karol said...

ey, hope you're ok. you know, even if i don't know the real issue, i can totally relate to what you wrote.... :) anyways, hugs for you! think of the beautiful things na lang!

Leigh said...

and yet...? summary only... da oi ka bitin..hehehehe

anyway girl.. ana jud na.. u should reflect sa jud.... always think na there are things that are not really meant for us... we sometimes demand for something impossible, we don't care.. we become numb sometimes to satisfy ourselves.. but u know what, it's good to feel that way, u can learn lessons from it...

Raine said...

@karol:yep i'm ok...just need to let the drama queen in me have her say every once in a while :)

@leigh:bitin kay wala koy maisip na ending hehehe pero about learning will amen to that!

tidbits said...

yeah, sometimes we do things even if we know they're not for us or shouldn't be done in the first place. what a dilemma! and excuses can't make us escape from whatever results they bring us.

carey

p.s. test ko lang ni ang account nako sa blogspot

psyche said...

and yet...
...these are the things that make US like you. befriend with you...

kinsa naman say nag away nimo raine aver, kay atong lugiton ang mata.

bitaw gang, all you need is this

***BIG HUG***