Blogless

That’s the term that Carey coined to describe my current status. Blogless… I think it’s very fitting actually. She wondered why I’m blogless since I am supposedly “inspired” right now. Well, I’m trying not to be a mushy blog thus I refrain to write about my errr blossoming love life ;) And I think I write better when I’m angry, depressed and etc. a proof of that is this comment on my other blog (my original blog which I turned into a PayPerPost/PPP blog)

hi. i was googling something in the office and i came across your blog. and for
the first time, nakakita ako ng blog na hindi pacute. I think it’s sincere,
clever, intense and entertaining. we’re of the same age and girl din ako.
anyway, thank you for saving me from boredom. hehe tc.

Thank goodness she didn’t read some of my “pa-cute” entries. I actually found this comment funny because she was commenting on a PPP post about Superglass- the most energy-efficient glazing product on the market LOLS and mind you I don’t really put much energy on my PPP post, as long as I reach the required number of words and the required anchor text, it’s a done deal. So I’m not specially proud of such entries because it’s not well thought of and doesn’t display much of my writing prowess (as if!) My filler entries are worse off because I just try to write about anything that comes to mind that would reach 50 words, if I have a choice I would just paste lyrics or poems but the entries should be original thus explains the “whatever-ness” quality of my posts. Anyways HK, thank you whoever you are, you actually inspired me to update my better blogs and turn this blogless status around.

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Rockin' Girl Bloggers

I am only shy of three days to be one month delayed. Delayed in posting that is :) Carey tagged me with this rockin’ blogger award with a matching pink badge last Aug. 28. Tis such an honor to be considered a rockin’ blogger esp. coz I haven’t been active in blogging lately. Carey, I’m eternally grateful for the recognition. You know you’re a rockin’ blogger too…right?

So now, it’s my turn to pass this award on to equally rockin’ girl bloggers,
So here are the girls in no particular order:

Your rock Jae! She writes from the heart and can paint beautiful imagery with her words.
You rock Psyche! Her posts are such delightful reads.
You rock Kendi! She's such a captivating storyteller.

You rock Aryan! ROCK is her middle name!
You rock Leigh! Aside from being a blogger, she’s also graphic artist extraordinaire …check out her deviations

Here’s the badge…

Keep \m/ !!!

P.S. boys will create a special awards for you next time, I know you guys are eyeing the pink badge too :D

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It could happen to you

Sickness could.
Unemployment could.
Accidents could.
Death could.
Anything could happen to anyone of us …anytime.
But hopefully not at the same time.
I have lived inside my own bubble. I float amidst my clouds of happy thoughts and try to push aside any unwanted things that can happen. I have my own shares of tough times but nothing close to a life threatening situation. Compared to others, I can say that I had it easy no matter how sometimes I exaggerate my problems. I see people dying from accidents or from sickness and I feel sorry for them but at the same time I feel lucky not to be experiencing those things. Sometimes at the back of my mind I can’t help but think that this can’t happen to me or it could but I would be ready by then or it won’t happen …not for a long time. I’ve deluded myself that yes these terrible things are real but I haven’t really grasped fully the fact that it can be a part of my reality. That ugly things could happen to me and burst my bubble. That the big bad wolf is just prowling nearby. Not until lately. I noticed a lump growing at a particular part of my body and ignored it for sometime but then practicality got the best of me and I had it checked last August. To my utter distress the doctor told me that particular lump can possibly be a manifestation of a particular type of cancer and should be removed at once and the sample should be treated for biopsy. And so I had it removed and waited in agony for 5 days for the result. Thankfully it was benign. But there are still a few lumps left and my doctor told me to have anti-cancer shots for prevention. I’m almost over this ordeal and never in my life have I felt so vulnerable and fragile and human and alive….all at the same time. The idea that my life can be taken away from me anytime scared the hell out of me. But then it made me realize that instead getting depress and all that I should learn to enjoy every moment…months…days..seconds.. of my life. I made a solemn promise to myself to make those time matter…make the best out of it. I realized that a brush with death makes us see how precious life really is and anything could happen anytime …bad things could but also good things could.

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and yet...

I am the most selfish person I know. I thought I’ve changed…grew up but no…things that happened lately had made me realize that I’m still the same immature person that I once was. I still can’t get enough of people’s time, affection. I am still insatiable. I still want to be the center of the universe of the people around me. I am still pride personified. I am egocentric. I am insecure. And I keep on hurting people to spare myself of pain. I keep on letting people go…pushing them away because I badly needed them to stay. I am damaged and I love to wallow in my misery. The scars have healed but sadly the lessons were not yet learned. I want to be happy but I’m happy being unhappy. I hate to be the victim yet I keep myself shackled in my own chains. I’m too scared to be brave. I don’t have enough strength to be strong. I have mastered the art of breaking my heart and convincing myself that the broken pieces were unnecessary. That I don’t need to be whole to be alive but then now I feel so dead. And I’m weary of hiding behind the excuses I made for myself. And I know only I can save myself from whatever hell it is I designed for myself and yet . . .

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