September 4, 2009

Holding Sand

Relationships of all kinds are like holding sand in your handHold it loosely
with an open hand, the sand remains where it isThe tighter you grasp it, the
faster it trickles through your fingers

I know this quote by heart and lots of others about love and relationships. But only now do I understand the full meaning of the quote. Blow and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. He is my first serious relationship. I believe we’re good and happy together. It's not a perfect relationship but we're both striving to make it work.We come from different backgrounds but we have the same values and enjoy the same things. I have nothing to complain about him. He’s a saint and that’s no overstatement because only a saint or somebody insane (ahem) could put with me and my moods. We never broke up though I’ve told him countless times before that “we’re over” after a few petty quarrels. I usually start our fights because of my insecurities, past issues, expectations and jealousy then he gets mad because he thinks I don’t trust him. Our fights don’t last for more than a day, we usually settle it before the day ends when we’ve both calmed down. Lately the fights have been frequent and he’s getting fed up with me…his patience is almost running out that’s why I need to change fast. I was thinking things over and the "sand" quote came to mind. I realized that after meeting Blow, I got too carried away with being “us “that I forgot about “me”. I made him the center of my universe and got used to always having him around and doing things together. My friends became his friends. I became clingy and dependent. I made him the source of my happiness and I can’t understand why he can stand on his own and be happy without me. Now I realized that I need to find myself again and recall how to be happy by myself and not depend on other people for it. I need to realize that there’s more to life than having a relationship. Now I’m learning to loosen my grip slowly on the sand before it’ll trickle down.

5 retrospection:

lolzviv said...

hello. . . i came upon this blog after looking for the exact wording of this quote. . . and i am in the exact situation you were in haha XD . . . it does seem difficult. . .and i have no idea where our relationship will go at this point, but letting loose my grip seems like the way i must go. . . . as hard it is to accept that i could be letting go of him as well. . . its for the best right?

Raine said...

@lolzviv: I'm glad you somehow found your feels really good that somebody found this post relevant :) Yes it's for the best but it's really hard to do esp if we have issues. I married the guy I'm talking about here and still I struggle every now and them about loosening my grip on him...good thing he's really understanding. Hope things work out for you :D

Jess said...

I'm in the same boat as well (& was looking for the quote) in my 2 year relationship.
The only thing people can tell me is to give him space & let him miss me but at the same time I feel hopeless about it so I just want to spend any time I have left with him I can.
I guess I just don't know when his tolerance for me will run out, it really feels like he is putting up with my crap right now out of feeling bad/guilty about hurting me.
I'd like to know how lolzviv & Raine's situations turn out, please update if you can :)

Raine said...

Hi Jess! First off I tried to make him understand my fears and issues so he'd know where I'm coming from and why I was acting that way,being so jealous and possessive. He was really understanding and also explained that he needs time for himself and be with his friends every now and then.It was hard to accept that he can have fun and be okay even without me but I tried to confront my issues and found other distractions like also hanging out with my own friends and developing new hobbies. Communication was the key in our case. We're married now :)

Raine said...

@jess: hope things work out for you :)